As you probably already know, I have
been nursing a strained tendon and not running for the last few weeks. I have
been biking, using the elliptical and rower, and weight lifting, but I haven’t
been able to run. My hope was that some time off would allow my tendon to heal
and that I might be ready in time for a challenging half marathon in mid-June.
I stopped running and was really
bummed out. How on earth was I going to stay in shape? But a week after
stopping I lost 4 pounds. A week later…another 4. This has softened the blow of
not running a bit, to be honest. Losing weight while training for a half
marathon is not easy. Runger is real, my friends!
Needless
to say, I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking—and ruminating and
obsessing—about weight and fitness and health. Running buddy and I were
messaging about working out and talking about our respective weight loss. We
were generally discussing the weirdness of losing a lot of weight: people you
have known for a long time not recognizing you; navigating the awkwardness of
odd but well-meaning compliments; how it sucks to be cold all of the time and
to not be able to drink more than one beer without getting a serious buzz; and
how it’s awesome and frustrating to constantly have to buy new clothes.
Regarding my transformation she said, “I adored you then and I adore you now.”
Which is super sweet and actually made me just a tad misty.
This
statement got me thinking. What does it mean to lose so much weight? What is
the connection between your physical body and your inner self? Do you change in
some meaningful way beyond just weighing less and having less fat? Has getting
into good cardiovascular shape changed my personality? Has losing 75 pounds
made me smarter? Or dumber, for that matter? Have I become more kind? Less?
Of
course, I am the SAME person! Kind of.
I definitely have become vainer. I
care what I look like when I leave the house. I spend a lot of time looking in
the mirror. I have started this habit of flexing in the mirror just to see how
my biceps and triceps are developing. I have—semi-jokingly—suggested that my
wife “hang from my biceps” while flexing. I post my running on social media. I
humble brag about my fitness. I told my best friend that, “No, I will not wear
a white shirt to your wedding because I look fierce in the outfit I picked
out!” I have actually gotten up and walked across a room in front of people I
haven’t seen in a while just to show off how thin I have gotten. I am not
kidding. Sometimes, I feel like I barely recognize myself. Could it be that the
lack of vanity I once attributed to my somehow being a superior brand of person
was actually just a crushing lack of self-esteem?!?!
As happens—because of Murphy, or a
mischievous deity, or just plain old confirmation bias—I scheduled my oil
change for the same day Wife needed to be on campus early and our neighbor
needed a ride to work. I ran ahead and dropped off my car at the shop and
waited to be picked up. Wife and neighbor pulled in and I jumped into the back seat.
“Holy crap! You look amazing!”
neighbor exclaimed.
“Thank you,” I blushed in reply.
“Seriously! It’s not even that your
body has changed—which it has—it’s that you even carry yourself differently.”
I am sure I made a self-deprecating
reply, as I am prone to do. But here was more evidence of the change—the
transformation—that was taking place. It’s not just that I look different, but
that I carry myself differently: I act differently in some discernable way.
Dissatisfying as it is, I haven’t
arrived at any answers. No epiphanies have hit me in the middle of the night. I
haven’t seen the light or heard a disembodied voice give me words of wisdom.
Sometimes I think I should stop obsessing about existential matters and other
times it seems really important to get to the TRUTH OF IT ALL. I just keep
alternating between chewing on what it means to be me and how things change to
staying in the moment and just plain having fun.
FUN! I have managed to have quite a
bit of it lately.
First, I went out and supported my
running buddy at the 10k we were supposed to run together. The down side was
not getting to run.
 |
| Renee, looking fly and ready to run! |
The upside was hitting the samples at the Cider Mill where
the run was held with running buddy’s very cool kid. We tasted salsa, hot sauce,
apples, vodka, and fudge while those suckers ran 6.2 miles of hills in the
cold. We also fed the ducks and had apple cider donut(s) and cider by the pond.
Not a bad way to spend a morning!
 |
| Donuts and Cider...poundsign winning |
Wife and I also managed to get
outside and get some yard work done. The gardens are mostly planted, and our
new screened in gazebo has been built. We even assembled the excellent outside
couch and have been spending warm evenings drinking cocktails outside.
 |
| The gazebo (center), the new flower pot garden (left), and the veggies (just barely visible to the right) |
I also got to go see my very best
friend get married to an amazing man. This wedding was absolutely glamorous and
we had a grand time dressing up and attending all of the wedding-related
events. A wedding at a church overlooking Central Park is absolutely amazing,
by the way!
 |
| Headed to the rehearsal dinner |
 |
| The view from our hotel the morning of the wedding. |
 |
| Me with my bestie |
I have also gotten cleared by the
orthopedist to start back with some slow running. AND I got the go ahead to
participate in my first ever mud run—the Warrior Dash! (The bad news is that the half marathon is a no go, but I am setting my sights on one in October...I will get there). It was a great time and
I had amazing teammates to run and laugh and splash through the mud with. Stay
tuned for a quick race report!
 |
| First slow, short run back |
 |
| Me, after the Warrior Dash |
 |
| With the team |
I also joined a women’s softball team
and played my first game since high school—18 years if you are keeping score. I
went 3 for 4 and hit a triple. We won. It was pretty freakin’ cool.
 |
| I also chopped off my hair and dyed it blue |
Anyway, the early summer has gotten
off to a good start.
No comments:
Post a Comment