Get to know me.

            In my ongoing efforts to constantly indulge my narcissism and remove any delay from gratification, I have started my very first blog. For those of you related to me and obligated, or bored, ignorant, or masochistic enough to read it, I apologize. I am lucky enough to have people in my life that relentlessly feed my ever-growing ego and make the mistake of telling me that I am funny or laughing at my jokes. As a result, I have decided that I should bring my opinions to the world at large, and lucky for me, the internet has deluded me into thinking that I can do so. In fact, they have made it free, super-easy, and convenient to post my opinions and link them to my Facebook page, e-mail them to my victims—I mean, friends and family—and generally impose my views on those who may or may not want them.

“Arbitrary Microphone” pretty much sums up the vision for this blog. I have opinions, and feelings, and notions, and ideas (and this makes me special) that I intend to deliver in a quasi-humorous, if poorly organized fashion. I plan to make sweeping and uninformed political statements, rage against the machine while fancying myself a Che-like figure, rant about the state of education, and comment on new recipes, movies, and books that I like. In essence, this is my blog and I will talk about whatever the heck I want. So there.

A little bit about myself follows in this paragraph—feel free to skip it if you already know or just don’t care. I am in my very early 30s and after being a total and complete idiot in my 20s, think I basically have it all figured out. I am a full-time student pursuing a secondary education degree (this fact may lead you—rightly—to question my sanity and reliability), part-time book slinger, burgeoning freelance editor, and shiny new blogger. I am finding it increasingly difficult to abide the silly injustices and sweeping tyrannies that are some of the hallmarks of living in this world. I have started writing angry letters, compulsively checking npr.org, and freely sermonizing on the woes of oppression. I routinely deride technology while simultaneously text messaging, checking my email, and writing a paper on Word. I am a terrible hypocrite. I am also just smart enough that it bothers me that I am such a fraud. I sometimes think I am a roll of recycled aluminum foil and a cabin in the woods away from being like Mel Gibson in that movie, Conspiracy Theory. So help me, I just compared myself to Mel Gibson.

I think I will leave you with that unsettling image.

P.S. Because I take reader comments to heart, Emily, this one is for you:

I guess I am actually leaving you with the above, unsettling image.